Day 7: Two Mice, Both Alike in Dignity

 The thing about Europa Park that you need to remember is that their mascot looks like a 4K version of Charles Entertainment Cheese.  That is very important for the rest of this conversation. 

Ed Euromaus

Charles Entertainment Cheese

Now that we're all on the trolley, let's get to today's nonsense. It was an early start for my companions today, we were expecting to leave the hotel-motel-apartment inn at 8:45AM. And we did. Which allowed us to walk up to Europa Park at the bight and early time of about 9:00AM. 

Gotta hit the Eingang as quicklike as possible to beat those crowds.

This is the part where I need to swear you to secrecy about our hot tips on how to best experience Europa Park. Have you sworn? To secrecy? Good. 

First stop was to jump on the EP Express. The EP doesn't stand for ExPress or EuropaPark. It stands for Eepy. It's for eepy travelers to get a tiny nap while they're whisked away to Spain. Great invention. This allowed us to skip around most of the crowds and get to our first destination in the Iceland area, Wodan. It's a big'ol wooden coaster. Here's a picture of it. 

Named for the ancient Saxon deity of possessed and crazy folks.

A thing I very much liked about the rides is that they all had detailed info about What Was Going On About Those Things Happening On The Ride. It looks like this. 

I don't know what Clermont County Ohio has to do with pirates, but here we are. (Click to embiggen.)

[This is the space where Angie is gonna talk about all the rides she liked.]

[Oh! Hello there! I'm not asleep yet today. I'm also back to pretty much 100% health too! The world is a burrito.

So Europa Park is amazing and big and adorable and a maze of so much to see and do and eat I wish I had even MORE time to explore it, but I'm glad we are doing 2 days. It's better than King's Island with the big coasters but the theming of Disney World, but not as commercial. It has its own charm. Like a maze the stores and streets zig zag and wind around. There could be a huge coaster full of screaming people, or a giant geodesic dome, but you wouldn't know it or hear it until you turn a corner and BOOM it's there! Each little part of Europe is contained in it's own, charming way, keeping you immersed. 

Also right now is the fall and Halloween decorations, so there is like a fuck ton of pumpkins here (internet says over 180,00 pumpkins)!! It is all very cute and the weather is nice and cool, so I am in fall heaven here!

So the rides! We started with Wodan, which is Viking themed, and a wooden coaster. It was like Mystic Timbers but I didn't feel like it was as fast and was a lot smoother. Great ride. Then we did Blue Fire (but I keep calling it Blue Steel) which is a mega coaster and TIL a mega coaster has a drop between 200-299 feet high and a hyper coaster has a drop 300-399 feet. Orion at King's Island is a hyper coaster. Blue Steel is a mega coaster. I think it was a lot more fun than Orion! Lots of great air time, it was more like Diamondback with with a loop and a launched start. The animatronic/mannequin people at the beginning of the ride all had the same face and looked like George W Bush to me! LOL!

We went on the Europa version of Pirates of the Caribbean, Pirates of Batavia, which was...very similar. But still fun. We ate some fries and crepes and soon it was time for our Virtual Queue for Voltron Nevera, the newest coaster here in the Park. I think it might be my favorite ride from the entire day!! We will definitely be riding it again tomorrow. It has two launches and so many rolls and loops and twists and turns, it is a DELIGHT! Plus, it's Nikola Tesla themed!

We calmed down with a few indoor rides including the adorable Madame Freudenreich which is an old lady who lives with dinosaurs that all help make a cake for the T-Rex since it's his birthday. Dark ride with old, adorable dinosaur animatronics? Yes please!

We made it to France and that was when I finally got to ride the ride that was the whole reason for this trip! The seed that grew into this amazing vacation: Eurostat Coastiality VR's Phantom of the Opera! When I heard there was a Phantom of the Opera roller coaster I was so intrigued. I had been meaning to travel to Germany, so what better chance than now and with my besties??

The roller coaster is actually just the coaster inside the geodesic dome: the CanCan Coaster! You just enter in the back of the coaster and queue in a special line that is decorated with PotO memorabilia and costumes. A painting of Carlotta tells you the rules (thank God for subtitles) and you walk into a waiting room where they give you your VR headset. It includes the whole face/eye visor and headphones cranked to 100 decibels. You are seeing and hearing NOTHING until they load the VR. Then you are instantly transported into a beautifully rendered Box 5 at the Opera Populaire in what looks like PS2 graphics. LOL!! Okay, maybe not that bad, but really not that good either. It's fine. The hard part is you're supposed to walk to the coaster with this VR headset on, so it renders the waiting room space around you as Box 5, all the others on the coaster with you are PS2 avatars on Parisians going to the opera circa 1880. We were "warned to leave box 5 empty" (all this is in English for us, BTW) and then B5 becomes an elevator that goes down into the Phantom's lair?? Sure! You, meanwhile, are carefully following your PS2 avatar host when in reality you're mincing to the coaster train, safely stepping in (you see the gondola boat) and then you feel them safety attach the headset to the coaster seat. You wait a little bit while your coaster train waits its turn to run the usual CanCan coaster track, and it drives around a bit in the lake under the opera house, oh look there's the creepy mannequin in the wedding dress, and roses keep falling from the ceiling like it's a CLAMP anime (not far from the truth). Then you feel the coaster start to climb in a slow spiral up and up, while the Phantom explains that Christine has been paying too much attention to Raoul and not enough attention to him and their music. "And if I can't have Christine, I'll make sure no one else can have her!" (actual quote). We have by now reached what I assume is the top of the geodesic dome, but we have been climbing the top of the Opera while Christine sings below and the Phantom is on the chandelier we've been circling. Now he does his "you will curse the day you did not do..." spiel and then he crashes the chandelier, and our coaster plunges with it and....let's just say that one fallen chandelier does a lot more damage in this coaster than in the play. Large marble busts fall on the crowd! The floors crack open to lava below! Beams crack and topple! Explosions! I started laughing because the level of destruction was so over the top! Every once in a while we'd catch a glimpse of, or follow, Christine and Raoul running from the destruction or reaching out for each other. Meanwhile you'll see the Phantom swinging around like Tarzan here and there. When we finally break free from the collapsing opera house into the burning states of Paris outdoors (yes, somehow half of Paris is now on fire, too), we see that Christine and Raoul are safe, and we zoom into them as they happily kiss in front of the blaze that was the Opera Populaire. Then we dip down into the Phantom's underground lair where he's sitting glumly with his music box monkey and I just burst out laughing! It was so over the top. But I really did love it and had a lot of fun. They played music from the play throughout and I had a great time. Unfortunately, it was very motion sickness-inducing for Ryan and Linny, especially Ryan, who said the VR video had frozen during the ride! BLARG! That would definitely throw me for a loop! I was lucky the graphics in mine lined up perfectly with the ride! I think I might be the only one who rides that again tomorrow...

Jeff and I went to watch a short show called Spook Me which felt very Disney-ish, while Ryan and Linny went to walk off the motion sickness.

We met back up at the Haunted Mansion-I mean Castello dei Medici. And it was very Phantom Theater with the theme of maybe Dante's Inferno?

And lastly, we rode on Arthur, based off the book and movie franchise by Luc Besson. We loved that ride so much we rode it twice! It's half animatronic and half inverted coaster (dangling feet) and was so fun and sweet! Now we really have to try and watch the movie!

And that's my long contribution to the rides of Europa Park: Day 1!]

We came back to the apartment-hotel-inn-and-tavern for a dinner from local pizza place, Mamma Mia's. It was pretty decent. The desserts were the most popular. It was as we were retiring to our rooms that I noticed this. 

The Gigler.

That brings us up to now. When will it be then? Soon. Goodnight!

Day 6: Genau and Gelaters

 Travel day! Lisa needs braces. Travel day! Lisa needs braces. 

Today is a day for traveling, as I have yet to master the Instant Transmission technique that I've been practicing since mid-September back in '00. One day, I'll figure it out. One day. 

Before that, another breakfast au continental and checking out of our accommodations in Baden-Baden-Baden-Badenbadenbaden. Since we weren't able to check in to our next lodging until 6pm, we decided to spend some time doing a little bit of laundry. We found a Waschsalon (wash your own laundry) near the city center and posted up for an hour and a half to get things done. 

Afterwards, a bus ride to the Baden-Baden Bahnhof where we caught a train southwise to Rust. A town of contrasts. It's the home of Europa Park, which itself is home to a The Phantom of the Opera indoor coaster VR experience and thus is the whole reason for this trip. 

(Hang on. What's that sign say?)

(That's what I thought it said. Idiot Test.)

It took some doing, and alleged trespassing to use a construction site lavatory (because all the bathrooms from Baden-Baden, both on the train and at the stations, were out of order), we arrived in Rust proper. We walked for a while to make sure that our accommodation exists (much like an airport gate, you've gotta do that, to be safe) and then went out to scavenge for a small smackerel of food. Ryan and I decided on a 24/7 pizza vendomat (seen below), because we love nothing if not novelty. 

(It's a vending machine. For pizza. Pizzautomat?)

The pizza was a pizza, based on all measurable characteristics. Just enough to let us power through hanging out in a little park before we were able to check in. The proprietor, Oleg, was very spirited. He claimed to speak little English, but he was a very energetic and outgoing sort of guy. He walked us through our hotel-apartment, showing off the features and the dohickies and the whatsits. The dohickiest is the house ignition. 

(Gentlemen, start your houses!)

It worked similarly to the hotel keycard-based power enabling that we've seen before in other parts of Eurasia, except this one was an actual house key. Very odd. But nigh-on impossible to lose the key inside the house since, ya know, it's stuck in the wall. Here's a few more snaps of the hotel-model-holiday-inn. 

The place seems nice. Time will tell how comfy-cozy it is after a long day of walking around Europe's second largest theme park (1st and 3rd are both parts of Disneyland Paris, because of course they are). 

Dinner was to be found after a brisk walk through the quaint idyllic countryside vibes of Rust. We went to Hardy's (no relation to Hardee's *or* Carl's Jr *or* The Hardy Boyz), a German and American restaurant. We were all so hungry that not one of us took any pictures. Someone please revoke our Millennial Bullshit cards at your earliest convenience. 

After dinner, back to the accommodation where everyone was in bed and fast asleep before 10pm. Which is the law here. I am doing this for y'all at my own peril. It's very dangerous. Do people think I'm cool yet? 

That's all for me today. I hope everyone has a lovely afternoon. And remember, it's "die rechnung, bitte" not "sumimasen, rechnung onegaishimasu". 

Day 5: Climb every mountain, ford every spa

Today's post will be much shorter than yesterday's since we spent it lounging around and taking the day at our own pace. 

Ryan and Linny spent the morning sleeping in and relaxing in their room. I (Angie, once again, hello!) slept late until 10:00 and Jeff watched stuff on his iPad. (Jeff Edit: I also slept in, all the way until 07:45!)

Sundays in Germany are meant to rest and relax. Most places are closed except for restaurants, pools, museums, theaters, and flea markets. I like that!

Jeff and I checked out the nearby mountain of Baden Baden called Merkur. It has a funicular that carries around 20 people (it says it fits 40 but that sounds highly dangerous and uncomfortable) up the steep mountainside. The ride is only a few minutes but it got pretty steep!

At least there is a safety stairs, in case of emergency.

The moss between the rails is soothing to me. 

Look out, it's coming right for us!

Up at the top is a café with outdoor seating and a fantastic view!

(Photo Stolen from Google Reviews)

If it's not cloudy. Which it was today.

Every day in this town has had a reasonably large amount of Gorilla Mist, but it's still very lovely.

There were a few breaks in the clouds, letting you see some of the towns or hills below. Well, let me see all that below. Jeff sat on a bench, safely away from any kind of view that would tell his body he was high up on a mountain with a steep incline. (Jeff Edit: Listen, if I was meant to be in high places with an unobstructed view of the endless void, I would've moved to Colorado with my brother like he talked about 20 years ago. My people come from lands of gently rolling hills and/or forests. We aren't meant for this sort of Icarian nonsense. I funiculared too close to the sun and got vertigo for my hubris. This is pretty standard. But I will keep trying, every time, because I know my wife enjoys scenic vistas and I want to make sure she has proper accompaniment when I am able.)

Meanwhile I walked around, went up into the viewing tower, took some photos, and enjoyed the view and peacefulness.

Then back down again because it was time for lunch with the Linnemans!

We were finally able to try the traditional German restaurant in town called Löwenbräu. 

And now, it's time for a mid-post author shift. It's me, Jeff. Let me tell you. This was some traditional food and certainly German. I tried some Real Actual Weinerschnitzel. It was... fine? It was fine. Like a very thin, three chicken-fried steak. Angie got the Käsespätzle, which is German noodles and cheese. She seemed to enjoy it quite well. Laura ordered a stein (a liter'a'beer) with her sausages and sauerkraut, while Ryan went with what appeared to be a child's portion in comparison - alongside a hearty looking Rinderfilet (which appears to be German for tenderloin filet) and potatoes. Food was good, portions were large, and the atmosphere was nice. Apart from some flies and a yellow jacket (from which I again saved everyone from, because I have a long history of enmity to all flying stinging insects) buzzing around a bit, that is. 

Laura's luncheon. The mustard and kraut were apparently wonderful.

A beer, nearly as big as me!

Ryan's Steak und Papas con Bacones

Mac and Cheese Noodles with Salat

indiana.jpg

After our late lunch, it was back to the hotel. Angie, Ryan, and Laura went to Caracalla Spa to decompress and destress. I wasn't feeling up to it, so I ate half a loaf of bread along with most of a jar of Bonne Mammon strawberry jam. Yes, after I ate 30 euros worth of Weinerschnitzel. You don't know me, shut up. 

From what I could gather after talking with Angie about it, the spa was lovely. The staff was nice. Her main concerns basically came back to, "well, it's no Onsen, but...". The water was cooler than expected, the pools were a bit crowded, and you have to pay to enter *and* for towels. That's some American Greedfiti, if ya ask me. If I'm paying 20 euros to take a fancy bath, the towels had better be included. But what do I know, I'm just a little guy. Or something. You've all stopped reading this by now anyway. If you haven't, make sure to comment your favorite bath you've ever taken. 

The exterior baths and fountains.

It's blue like him, inside and outside.

Now, we start the process of saying arrivederci (a word that a man in too-tight pants said as he sped away on a Vespa, so I assume is Italian) to Baden-Baden. We leave tomorrow afternoon for the bright lights of the big city of Rust. No, this is not a joke about flying home to Ohio. There's a town in southern Germany called Rust, which is home to the entire impetus of this trip the the first place:

<marquee>~Europa Park~</marquee>

Another couple of trains, a few buses, and several hours of dawdling around await us tomorrow - possibly involving Laundry. As the Germans have often said to me "That's nice of you to try to speak German, but I speak English.". I think that's a parting statement? Anyway, bye~

Day 4: Ein Prosit der Gemütlichkeit

Whew, what a busy day! Today, Saturday, was our first venture out of Baden Baden on a day trip to Stuttgart. Home of the Mercedes Benz and the Porsche museum (which we didn't have time for), it was also a nearby place we wanted to go to experience the festivities of Oktoberfest, but on a calmer and smaller level than Munich.

Joke's on us...

But we needed to start the day early, but not too early! And the timetables were close on the bus we needed to catch (and the buses really didn't start running consistently until after 9:00 am), to drop us off at the train station for a quick train ride, and from there to a longer ride to Stuttgart. No layover gave us more than 10 minutes to leave a train and find the next platform for our next train!

As we waited for an express bus to Baden Baden's train station, it never arrived under the label that was on our directions (how were we to know the 201E was actually labeled X45 with the destination listed as the gardens?! Bull honky!!), and the bus we finally rode on got us to the station with 2 minutes to run to our train's platform. Luckily it's a small station and we made it. The train was PACKED, just as the DB app warned us. It is a Saturday so it was to be expected. Today's itinerary was actually supposed to be Friday's but we swapped them around to give me, Angie, more time to rest up.

Oh yeah, this is Angie writing the blog post today, by the way! Hi!

In the country known for its good beer, why are the youths so obsessed with Corona Beer here?!

We only needed to be on the packed train (which I swear was more packed than any train I've ever taken in Japan) for one stop, or 15 minutes, to Karlsruhe station. Karlsruhe was under construction and some incident made our platform change at the last minute, but again, we made it to the right train in under 5 minutes with about 5 minutes to spare. Whew! There were a lot of polizei at the stations today. I guess with it being Oktoberfest season and a Saturday they were expecting people to be a little more rowdy than usual? Anyway, they were no help at all, but I guess their job isn't to tell us we're wasting our time running to a closed-down platform, and to keep the peace.

We knew we had arrived to a city that celebrated Oktoberfest because there were young 'uns decked out in Dirndls and Lederhosen everywhere! It was very crowded and we almost chickened out, so we decided to start with something a little more our speed, something a little quieter: the library.

Stuttgart has a pretty famous city library, and it's really easy to see why:

Sorry Jeff! He rode up the elevator to the 8th floor with us but quickly noped out back to the ground floor as soon as he saw that layout. Ryan, Linny and I stuck around to take pictures and saw there was an observation deck! After being mightily confused with all elevators having a call button marked with up, down, or binoculars, we decided to just take the stupid stairs up to the roof from the 8th floor. Definitely worth it! What an awesome view of the city! Especially the station and trainyard! Eat your heart out Japan!

Speaking of confusing, Linny and I were also very confused by the one-person women's bathroom. First we thought it was locked and waited behind a girl who looked like she was in line (she made no move to correct us or even look at us), then some lady walked right in proving it was not locked, but when Linny went to enter the door hit the lady coming out, who then said something to her sternly in German. Then the girl who was waiting's friend came out and turns out she didn't need the WC at all, so when Linny finally goes in it turns out it's just one stall with a lock and then a sink outside of the stall? So weird and confusing!

After emptying our bladders and meeting back up with our partners, we were feeling a little thirsty so we hit up the food court in the mall across the street. Ryan and Linny checked out the Media Mart (sorry Ryan that you were unable to buy the fan or your favorite touch lamps) and I attempted to order a smoothie (it was fine, but I thought I was picking the flavor mango but it turns out banana, pineapple and mango were all  of the ingredients and he took me to mean I wanted just a little mango when I really just wanted a size small. Boo ), and Jeff played it safe with good ol' Starbies. 

Looking at our transit options we could either: A. Take two trains and get to the Cannstatter Volksfest in 30 minutes. B. Walk for 54 minutes. or C. Take an Uber for 9 minutes. We went with C. And that transit time would have been even faster if we had realized we had used the address for Volksfest office in the town rather than the location of the actual fairground. We were all mightily confused when we saw the ferris wheels and then drove right past the place and for a few more blocks! LOL! It was still way quicker than our other options!

And so we finally arrived, and it was huge! It was like a mishmash of the RenFaire, the summer Church festival, and the county fair! Everything was full of twinkling, flashing, blinking, chasing lights! Music pounded out from every other ride! Blatant Disney character copyright infringement airbrushed on every surface! So many good smells from all the food booths which were everywhere, not just in one part of the festival. Large, wooden drink halls were one after another and Oktoberfest was just getting started. It was only 1:00 so we were there early and while it was crowded, the party was only just getting started as the teens and drinkers and tourists would start arriving in earnest in just a few hours.

Boo has her own Oktoberfest outfit!

I am told this is funny because they are wearing a mix of teams' colors! Haha! I totally wouldn't have made that mistake! >_>

Buzzed Lightbeer to the rescue!

Gorfy

We wandered around for probably an hour just taking it all in and never really making it back to where we entered. There's probably a corner or two we never even discovered at that festival it was that big!

Ryan and Linny were first to get into the Oktober spirit, both buying a beer to drink as we wandered and laughed at the uncanny and out of place usage of famous American movie stars, cartoons, games and places. By the time they had finished their beer we had come upon the second haunted ride in the park, and it was so over-the-top we had to try it! Again, sorry Jeff. The ride was as schlock-y and kitschy as we hoped and more as animatronic after animatronic popped out at us, blew air in our faces or sprayed mist, weird black curtains threatening to brush your glasses off so you won't see the jump scare coming in the next room (this is all done while you sit in a little 2-person roller coaster car BTW). At the very end was the only live person, a clown with a fake chainsaw that chased after your coaster car! LOL! It was magnificent!

All the walking and hilarious scares were making us a bit peckish and thirsty, so we made our way to the middle of the festival where most of the tables and traditional Oktoberfest stalls were. Linny and I got wursts, Jeff and Ryan got fries (that were really really good so we got a second order), with Pepsi for Jeff and I and another stein of beer for Ryan and Linny. All drinks are in either plastic cups or glass steins and if you return them to the booth (like you should instead of pocketing them), you get a fair amount of money back!

We sat, ate, drank, talked, and took in the festival spirit as we people watched. Like a guy who just kept high-fiving everyone who walked by. Or the table of 20-somethings that did some sort of beer and Jägermeister bomb? Their stein of beer was about 1/3 filled and there was an open tiny bottle of Jägermeister at the bottom of it. We watched one girl successfully drink it, and you had to drink the beer slowly while tipping your glass so the Jägermeister didn't suddenly run into your mouth and face. So once the beer was mostly gone then your glass was tipped enough for the Jägermeister to start flowing out. No thanks. And while we watched the table down drink after drink, they probably thought we were the drunks as Jeff tipped and fell off the bench while killing a yellow jacket! Thank you for being my hero, honey! <3 

We're the Wurst!

We rode horror ride #2 which wasn't as great as the first, but still hilarious, and this time I had a ride buddy! The lady in line behind us was part of a group of 3 as well so she sat with me, and she also spoke English! We had a good time! This ride though had jump scares while waiting in line with blasts of air at face and ankle-height and rumble packs under the queue steps.

It was starting to get really crowded now and people were starting to get well into their drinks, so we decided to find a dessert and then head out. Linny got a Kürtöskalács (a chimney cone of sweet dough rolled in cinnamon and sugar), Ryan got a apfelstrudel, Jeff got a milk shake (that I think was literally just really sweet milk, it was so watery), and I got a stick of cotton candy. We were all really happy with our sweet treats, except for Jeff. Sorry honey.

Heading out the exit we stood nearby the bag check while I finished my cotton candy and watched the festival volunteers confiscate bottle after bottle of alcohols people were trying to bring in. There was even a lady (who gave off an unhoused vibe) that was going through the overflowing trash bin. Whether it was for the booze or the bottles to trade in for money, I don't know. We watched one lady chug an entire bottle of wine before she could enter the festival! Yes, we were indeed leaving at the right time.

Getting back to Baden Baden started out kinda rough. We weren't the only sensible people leaving, but they too were different levels of intoxicated. We lost Jeff for what felt like 5 minutes (he had gone to buy tickets) and Google maps nor the DB app were being helpful with how to get from here back to home since we hadn't pre-ordered our return tickets since we weren't sure when we wanted to leave. The train back into Stuttgart city central was quick but packed. We watched in fascination as the drama unfolded on the platform outside our train's nearest window. One man grabbed the Lebkuchenherz from around his girlfriend's (?) neck and threw it on the ground by the train. She slapped him and then started to yell at him. Our train's doors closed and we started to move away as the polizei arrived and the girl's friend had retrieved the fallen heart cookie. While I wanted to get back to the hotel (it was now almost 6:00), I also wanted to watch more drama unfold!

Arriving back in the city we were kinda lost and panicky for a bit. First trying to find a train that would leave soon, but not so soon we had time to get there. Also, where TF were we? We hadn't been in this station before. This was the inter-city and subway station, but where was the DB station with the longer-distance trains? Plus there was construction and walls up, and it all felt like being lost in Shinjuku or Shibuya with all its current construction.

Jeff and Ryan finally found a way to the DB station and Jeff was able to get us tickets straight back home in seats so nice I kept worrying we were accidentally in 1st class rather than in 2nd! It was even better than the train from the airport!

The ride back was an hour and ten minutes, but it was so comfy and there were some glimpses of nice countryside that it flew by quickly. Ryan and Jeff played Magic while Linny and I (and a kid in the seat behind us LOL) watched. 

Since tomorrow is Sunday and we are warned that very little is opened (except for the local German restaurant and the thermal spas, apparently), we made sure to get some sandwiches and drinks so that we wouldn't starve on our day of rest.

And now I'm finishing writing this novel! This is the level of detail you get when you let Angie write the blog post! Don't worry, future you will be thanking past Angie! But so much happened today and tomorrow will be pretty chill. So until then...Tschüssi!